Changes...

A lot has changed over the last year or so. I was full of life and was ready to take on the world. I had role models (some I have met and some whom I haven't met). But a very depressing phase took over my life completely. I realized that my so-called 'role models' had flaws and that they are human. This was very hard to accept.


A very very important thing that I have observed is that nearly 96 percent of people are cynical. Nothing wrong in that but I don't like cynicism. There is a difference between being careful/doubtful and giving excuses for not moving your ass.If everyone thought in such a cynical way, then there would be no entrepreneurship, no risks. Everyone is so boring..all they want is a career.They do whatever they are told. After college, get an MBA/become an engineer, then get married, have kids and then worry about their careers.

I observe people on various social networking sites/people around me and I have a feeling that these people will be doing the same old things even after 10 years! When I asked them about this,they said "Everyone will die..so why bother to do anything." It is absolutely true. We all will die..but then, I just don't want to be a robot! People like Swami Vivekananda died but we discuss their ideas even today!

I saw a beautiful film called 'Freedom Writers.' It is based on a real life story. It is about a teacher who transforms a bunch of students' lives. They end up publishing a book called 'The Freedom Writers' diary.' Even she could have asked questions like "Kya yaar..job ko itne seriously kyun leti hai? Yeh tere bachche hai kya? Apna kaam kar aur salary le" or "Yeh bacche ko interest hi nahi hai world ko change karne mein toh tu kyun Mother Teresa ban rahi hai." I wish there were more teachers like Erin Gruwell.

After a year of cynicism and depression, today, I believe that CREATIVITY,imagination CAN change the world. I know people will laugh at this but I truly believe this from the bottom of my heart.

Another major change: I am a theist now :P There is no proof of God but I don't care about proofs..I just believe in a higher power.

Everything equals out in the end. I don't believe in self-pity anymore. I observed my own life and I felt that I got whatever I wanted..it is just that I couldn't recognize the patterns. You really deserve what you get, Period.

I'm sure many of us were sitting under a tree and many apples fell on our heads. But we were too busy cribbing. Newton asked the question :)

So I have decided that i won't grow up for the next 30 years :)

I just want to write few quotes by Chuck Palahniuk:

"If you are reading this then this warning is for you. Every word you
read of this useless fine print is another second off your life. Don't
you have other things to do? Is your life so empty that you honestly
can't think of a better way to spend these moments? Or are you so
impressed with authority that you give respect and credence to all who
claim it? Do you read everything you're supposed to read? Do you think
everything you're supposed to think? Buy what you're told you should
want? Get out of your apartment. Meet a member of the opposite sex.
Stop the excessive shopping and masturbation. Quit your job. Start a
fight. Prove you're alive. If you don't claim your humanity you will
become a statistic. You have been warned"

"Daytime television, you can tell who’s watching by the three kinds of commercials. Either it’s clinics for drying out drunks. Or it’s law firms who want to settle injury suits. Or it’s schools offering mail-order vocational degrees to make you a bookkeeper. A private detective. Or a locksmith. If you’re watching daytime television, this is your new demographic. You’re a drunk. Or a cripple. Or an idiot. "



"You grow up to become living proof of your parents' limitations. Their less-than masterpiece."


"A child who is never coached with Santa Claus may never develop an ability to imagine. To him, nothing exists except the literal and tangible.

A child who is disillusioned abruptly, by his peers or siblings, being ridiculed for his faith and imagination, may choose never to believe in anything- tangible or intangible- again. To never trust or wonder.

But a child who relinquishes the illusions of Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy, that child may come away with the most important skill set. That child may recognize the strength of his own imagination and faith. He will embrace the ability to create his own reality. That child becomes his own authority. He determines the nature of his world. His own vision. And by doing so, by the power of his example, he determines the reality of the other two types: those who can't imagine, and those who can't trust. "

P.S. All the criticisms towards the people on social networking sites applies to me too.
P.P.S. I haven't really thought of making this post very interesting to read..I just don't feel like doing that,right now.

If the world ends today,I would rather die a virgin than sleep with a guy who watches F.R.I.E.N.D.S

People who watch F.R.E.I.N.D.S should be shot. It is not funny. The only reason American people watch it is because of the good looking people in it (I have nothing against good-looking people, trust me). Indians watch it because it is a 'foreign' show.

I hate F.R.I.E.N.D.S. No logic or reason can make me love it. I don't care if I'm shallow. I don't care if people call me childish. Sorry, I just cannot respect other people's opinion on F.R.I.E.N.D.S and talk to them normally. How can you like someone who watches it?

Poem in the office bag

The doorbell rang.
I felt as if, my world will change forever. You know the feeling when you know that you WILL get it? After all this fucking years!
"Hi dad"
"Hi."
Oh, he has just come.
Dad removes his shoes. Then socks. Tie.
"Martin.."
Is this the moment?
"Keep this tie at the right place,comeback and put the socks and shoes at the right place"
I did what he said. I'm feeling shy. Even though I waited for this for so many years, the reality would be pretty scary. I was never hugged before for the right reasons. I was only hugged because dad and me share something. When you have that thing which is a part of you in some others body, you hug them. Whether you like it or not.
"Martin..get some water please"
I get some water. He will take the glass. Then, he will ask me to sit on his lap. Then, he will caress my forehead. Then nuzzle. Stupid, you are too old for all this. You are a grown up now.
I sit on the sofa. Pretend that I'm watching T.V. Eyes cannot stay at one place. The eyeballs try hard to look dad from the corner of the eye.
I watch the clock. Its 6 P.M. I feel that it is teasing me. The minute hand tells me, "you dumb boy, what are you looking at? After 30 minutes, I'll meet the hour hand, then I'll move forward, then meet again, then move forward..But my each move is a win over your crappy life"
Its 8 P.M. The clock is having fun.
9 P.M
Mom comes home. Maybe he wants to do this in front of her.
"Hi, Sara. How was the day?"
9.30 P.M
10 30 P.M. Go to bed, Martin.
11.oo P.M The door opens. Yes, usually Parents talk about this stuff when the child is about to sleep. Saw that in movies.
Dad takes a pillow. He is just 6 centimeter away from me.
15 centimeter.
45.
The door is shut.
Next day. 5 45 P.M. The door bell rings. I open the door. Hi Martin. Shoes, socks, Tie. Water. Clock laughing. It says: "You own me or I own you?"
Next day. 5 47 P.M. Hi martin. You scored bad in Math. Shoes, socks, tie, water. Clock is always the same.
I kept my poem inside dad's office bag on 5th April 2009.
17th May. 2012.The door bell rings. knock knock. Who? Reality. reality who?
Even though i now know why the hell that fucking clock laughs at me, everyday for 5.6 seconds at about 5.46 P.M I have hope. That one day, daddy will talk about my poem which i kept in his office bag. Fuck you minute hand.
Did he not notice it? Did he read it? If he did, then did he understand my poem? If he did, then why is he not talking about it? Is he quiet because he didn't understand it? Or because he understood it?