Note: If the reader feels that I have different view points just to 'stand-out' in the crowd, you better close this tab and get back to commenting on your friend's facebook albums with "awwwwwww <3." If someone does things just for the heck of being 'different,' he/she is a loser (okay,a confession: I tried to deliberately 'stand-out' in the crowd in my teenage because I was a highly insecure person.Not anymore). And the 'love' I'm talking about in this post is love in general and not just romantic love!! This post is not about my ex!
Now that I'm 'adult' I must say, I think twice before opening up to someone and telling them about my vulnerabilities.I think twice before loving someone deeply (no, this post is not about my break-up!).When you are an adult, you start becoming more 'practical' and try to reduce risks in your life. Few weeks back, I was tempted to follow this 'lowest-risk' philosophy because of unbelievable amount of pain and mental disturbance that I was facing because of loving someone very deeply and knowing that the person doesn't really value me(no, not my boyfriend!)but thank God, my inner voice saved me again.
Everyone tells me that I should live smartly (nothing wrong in that and yes, this smartness does save you from this much pain!). Their tips? I shouldn't get too much attached. So if I love someone, I should love them in a balanced way..because if you love them deeply and madly and they leave you, you will have to go through a LOT of pain. If you are making some friends over the internet/real life, don't get too attached..why to cry so much when there are so many people on your gtalk list,right? Why to love someone madly and face the risk of a complete breakdown? Some people even went ahead and said that loving someone madly and deeply is 'bad' (really dude? Living your life like a zombie is 'bad' according to me..who are you to decide what is 'bad' and what is 'good'?)! But if you think about their advice (to be very balanced),you realize that it is absolutely true and makes a lot of sense! But somewhere my persona is not like this.
I'm somewhat an extreme person. When I do something, I do it with WHATEVER I have got inside me. When I create campaigns, I put in EVERY FUCKING thing in it: My soul, my blood, sweat and tears! I'm incapable of doing things I am not passionate about. 'Passion' drives my life. I have been given similar advices to have 'Plan B' in my career. So if this doesn't work out, what will you do? I actually don't think much about that! I hate having Plan B (not because I'm a fool or because of idealism but because it is BORING to have a plan B)! In the same way, being 'smart' in relationships is something that I can certainly achieve (just requires a little bit of hard work)but I choose not to!Why? Because only when I love someone deeply and madly, I feel I'm alive! Otherwise I'm just a zombie or a Robot! It is easy to write this though. The kind of breakdown I have had after I came to know that the person has no value for me is just UNBELIEVABLE. I was on the verge of suicide! I even promised myself that I won't EVER love someone like this (of course, when you face his much pain the most comfortable choice would be not to do that again.) Do I still want to go through the same shit again knowing that it is just unbearable and makes a mess of everything in my life? After a lot of thinking, my inner voice said YES. I'm capable of loving only like this. Either I give my hundred percent or I don't do it at all.
People these days make fun of emotional people and call them 'emotional fools'..I don't mind that tag. Everyone is so smart but I'm dumb! I treasure my emotions. I'm not a masochist who loves pain (Do you think anyone enjoys suicidal thoughts?!) but I'm an artist! I want to FEEL everything DEEPLY. Another thing that I see these days is: People are so scared of being vulnerable and are even more scared of admitting their vulnerabilities! I guess being vulnerable is a weakness for them! I feel that being vulnerable is very important for an artist. Yes, I certainly won't allow people to walk all over me but I don't want to live a life where I won't have any vulnerability. That is BORING! So does this blog post remind you of characters in books (by the way, I'm not choosing this because of any books or films!! I'm not choosing this because of 'challenges' and 'risks.. It is just the way I am!)? I'm impractical and not 'balanced' and if you don't like me it is better you close the tab and go back to your 'practical- life' and live a life of balance sheets and do some fucking cost-benefit analysis of relationships (arre by chance yeh friend chala gaya toh mere happiness ka kya hoga? Isliye main zyada attach nahi honga) and live your life 'smartly.' Why to take risks?
Me? I choose to be foolish and crazy! You can give me any labels you want. And yes, no need to tell me that I have many mental disorders! It is better to be mentally retarded than live a boring life without passion!
"Anything less than mad, passionate love is a waste of time.There are too many mediocre things in life, and love shouldn't be one of them."
Monday, April 25, 2011
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Changes...
A lot has changed over the last year or so. I was full of life and was ready to take on the world. I had role models (some I have met and some whom I haven't met). But a very depressing phase took over my life completely. I realized that my so-called 'role models' had flaws and that they are human. This was very hard to accept.
A very very important thing that I have observed is that nearly 96 percent of people are cynical. Nothing wrong in that but I don't like cynicism. There is a difference between being careful/doubtful and giving excuses for not moving your ass.If everyone thought in such a cynical way, then there would be no entrepreneurship, no risks. Everyone is so boring..all they want is a career.They do whatever they are told. After college, get an MBA/become an engineer, then get married, have kids and then worry about their careers.
I observe people on various social networking sites/people around me and I have a feeling that these people will be doing the same old things even after 10 years! When I asked them about this,they said "Everyone will die..so why bother to do anything." It is absolutely true. We all will die..but then, I just don't want to be a robot! People like Swami Vivekananda died but we discuss their ideas even today!
I saw a beautiful film called 'Freedom Writers.' It is based on a real life story. It is about a teacher who transforms a bunch of students' lives. They end up publishing a book called 'The Freedom Writers' diary.' Even she could have asked questions like "Kya yaar..job ko itne seriously kyun leti hai? Yeh tere bachche hai kya? Apna kaam kar aur salary le" or "Yeh bacche ko interest hi nahi hai world ko change karne mein toh tu kyun Mother Teresa ban rahi hai." I wish there were more teachers like Erin Gruwell.
After a year of cynicism and depression, today, I believe that CREATIVITY,imagination CAN change the world. I know people will laugh at this but I truly believe this from the bottom of my heart.
Another major change: I am a theist now :P There is no proof of God but I don't care about proofs..I just believe in a higher power.
Everything equals out in the end. I don't believe in self-pity anymore. I observed my own life and I felt that I got whatever I wanted..it is just that I couldn't recognize the patterns. You really deserve what you get, Period.
I'm sure many of us were sitting under a tree and many apples fell on our heads. But we were too busy cribbing. Newton asked the question :)
So I have decided that i won't grow up for the next 30 years :)
I just want to write few quotes by Chuck Palahniuk:
"If you are reading this then this warning is for you. Every word you
read of this useless fine print is another second off your life. Don't
you have other things to do? Is your life so empty that you honestly
can't think of a better way to spend these moments? Or are you so
impressed with authority that you give respect and credence to all who
claim it? Do you read everything you're supposed to read? Do you think
everything you're supposed to think? Buy what you're told you should
want? Get out of your apartment. Meet a member of the opposite sex.
Stop the excessive shopping and masturbation. Quit your job. Start a
fight. Prove you're alive. If you don't claim your humanity you will
become a statistic. You have been warned"
"Daytime television, you can tell who’s watching by the three kinds of commercials. Either it’s clinics for drying out drunks. Or it’s law firms who want to settle injury suits. Or it’s schools offering mail-order vocational degrees to make you a bookkeeper. A private detective. Or a locksmith. If you’re watching daytime television, this is your new demographic. You’re a drunk. Or a cripple. Or an idiot. "
"You grow up to become living proof of your parents' limitations. Their less-than masterpiece."
"A child who is never coached with Santa Claus may never develop an ability to imagine. To him, nothing exists except the literal and tangible.
A child who is disillusioned abruptly, by his peers or siblings, being ridiculed for his faith and imagination, may choose never to believe in anything- tangible or intangible- again. To never trust or wonder.
But a child who relinquishes the illusions of Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy, that child may come away with the most important skill set. That child may recognize the strength of his own imagination and faith. He will embrace the ability to create his own reality. That child becomes his own authority. He determines the nature of his world. His own vision. And by doing so, by the power of his example, he determines the reality of the other two types: those who can't imagine, and those who can't trust. "
P.S. All the criticisms towards the people on social networking sites applies to me too.
P.P.S. I haven't really thought of making this post very interesting to read..I just don't feel like doing that,right now.
A very very important thing that I have observed is that nearly 96 percent of people are cynical. Nothing wrong in that but I don't like cynicism. There is a difference between being careful/doubtful and giving excuses for not moving your ass.If everyone thought in such a cynical way, then there would be no entrepreneurship, no risks. Everyone is so boring..all they want is a career.They do whatever they are told. After college, get an MBA/become an engineer, then get married, have kids and then worry about their careers.
I observe people on various social networking sites/people around me and I have a feeling that these people will be doing the same old things even after 10 years! When I asked them about this,they said "Everyone will die..so why bother to do anything." It is absolutely true. We all will die..but then, I just don't want to be a robot! People like Swami Vivekananda died but we discuss their ideas even today!
I saw a beautiful film called 'Freedom Writers.' It is based on a real life story. It is about a teacher who transforms a bunch of students' lives. They end up publishing a book called 'The Freedom Writers' diary.' Even she could have asked questions like "Kya yaar..job ko itne seriously kyun leti hai? Yeh tere bachche hai kya? Apna kaam kar aur salary le" or "Yeh bacche ko interest hi nahi hai world ko change karne mein toh tu kyun Mother Teresa ban rahi hai." I wish there were more teachers like Erin Gruwell.
After a year of cynicism and depression, today, I believe that CREATIVITY,imagination CAN change the world. I know people will laugh at this but I truly believe this from the bottom of my heart.
Another major change: I am a theist now :P There is no proof of God but I don't care about proofs..I just believe in a higher power.
Everything equals out in the end. I don't believe in self-pity anymore. I observed my own life and I felt that I got whatever I wanted..it is just that I couldn't recognize the patterns. You really deserve what you get, Period.
I'm sure many of us were sitting under a tree and many apples fell on our heads. But we were too busy cribbing. Newton asked the question :)
So I have decided that i won't grow up for the next 30 years :)
I just want to write few quotes by Chuck Palahniuk:
"If you are reading this then this warning is for you. Every word you
read of this useless fine print is another second off your life. Don't
you have other things to do? Is your life so empty that you honestly
can't think of a better way to spend these moments? Or are you so
impressed with authority that you give respect and credence to all who
claim it? Do you read everything you're supposed to read? Do you think
everything you're supposed to think? Buy what you're told you should
want? Get out of your apartment. Meet a member of the opposite sex.
Stop the excessive shopping and masturbation. Quit your job. Start a
fight. Prove you're alive. If you don't claim your humanity you will
become a statistic. You have been warned"
"Daytime television, you can tell who’s watching by the three kinds of commercials. Either it’s clinics for drying out drunks. Or it’s law firms who want to settle injury suits. Or it’s schools offering mail-order vocational degrees to make you a bookkeeper. A private detective. Or a locksmith. If you’re watching daytime television, this is your new demographic. You’re a drunk. Or a cripple. Or an idiot. "
"You grow up to become living proof of your parents' limitations. Their less-than masterpiece."
"A child who is never coached with Santa Claus may never develop an ability to imagine. To him, nothing exists except the literal and tangible.
A child who is disillusioned abruptly, by his peers or siblings, being ridiculed for his faith and imagination, may choose never to believe in anything- tangible or intangible- again. To never trust or wonder.
But a child who relinquishes the illusions of Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy, that child may come away with the most important skill set. That child may recognize the strength of his own imagination and faith. He will embrace the ability to create his own reality. That child becomes his own authority. He determines the nature of his world. His own vision. And by doing so, by the power of his example, he determines the reality of the other two types: those who can't imagine, and those who can't trust. "
P.S. All the criticisms towards the people on social networking sites applies to me too.
P.P.S. I haven't really thought of making this post very interesting to read..I just don't feel like doing that,right now.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
If the world ends today,I would rather die a virgin than sleep with a guy who watches F.R.I.E.N.D.S
People who watch F.R.E.I.N.D.S should be shot. It is not funny. The only reason American people watch it is because of the good looking people in it (I have nothing against good-looking people, trust me). Indians watch it because it is a 'foreign' show.
I hate F.R.I.E.N.D.S. No logic or reason can make me love it. I don't care if I'm shallow. I don't care if people call me childish. Sorry, I just cannot respect other people's opinion on F.R.I.E.N.D.S and talk to them normally. How can you like someone who watches it?
I hate F.R.I.E.N.D.S. No logic or reason can make me love it. I don't care if I'm shallow. I don't care if people call me childish. Sorry, I just cannot respect other people's opinion on F.R.I.E.N.D.S and talk to them normally. How can you like someone who watches it?
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