My experiments with lies!

Look around you. Everyone is here to create a good impression. Look at your colleague. Look at that girl in the college. Their biggest worry right now is whether or not they will be considered "cool" by their classmates or colleagues. Look at your parents. Their biggest worry right now is if you have enough degrees to take care of their social reputation. We want everyone to admire us.

 I came to Mumbai in my 9th Grade. I was extremely nervous on the first day of my Mumbai Schooling. I sat on the second-last bench and just looked around the classroom. After sometime, a girl came and asked, "Hi! Do you mind if I sit beside you?" That was the beginning of friendship. I was happy because I honestly didn't expect anyone to be nice to me, forget sitting beside me. I am scared of change. New people, new environment, scares the shit out of me. Going to the next year of your schooling is scary..now, I was in a new city!! But this person sitting next to me, gave me strength. She was also like me...shy, introvert and scared of new things. This created a bond between us and we were sailing through the scary environment, smoothly. However, everything started to change.

My friend saw that there were students who were considered "cool" by teacher, students and entire school. They got the best grades but that's not it. They were perfect at everything: dancing, hosting an event, sports...EVERYTHING! It also helped that they were very charming.They had "power" over others:"Cool" was defined by them. That group was a ticket to stardom! I will admit...because of my social conditioning (my parents also liked such kids and had tried their best since my childhood to turn me like those kids), I too wanted to "belong" to that group but I didn't make any efforts. My friend on the other hand was bowled over by them. Slowly and slowly, she started getting closer to them and she was accepted, too. I would have been happy if my friend was really like those people, but she was not! When the leader of that group was impressed with my friend, my friend was on cloud nine. She started ignoring me! I was deeply hurt but didn't know that ignoring was just the beginning and less painful thing. When my friend got completely accepted, she started taunting me and even insulted me on some occasions. I was shocked and shattered. But with time, I moved on. Our schooling got over and now we both went to the same college.

 In college, there was again a cool gang and this friend again got down to impress them. The things she didn't really like...she would do those very things...just to find acceptance! However, what happened, shocked me more than her behavior during my schooling. Because of an accident, a cool girl and I were in the same group for a project. And this cool girl was very impressed with me. This was shocking for me because I never thought that cool people can praise uncool people (cool people are not bad!) but wait, this is not the real shock. That friend of mine saw that the cool girl praised me and guess what? She started talking nicely to me again! She even started flattering me. This was more painful and more insulting than what she did in school!

It's not that I wasn't influenced by "cool" people, I was. So let me not be "holier than thou" here. We both are good friends now. But these incidents made me question the basis of friendship. It made me question: Why? Why do we suck up to cool people? Why are we so cautious of our "image?" It is like subtle bullying. You are being bullied and you don't even know it! Once, I shared a thought with my colleague and when I told her that some great writer also thought the same, she started respecting the thought more because the great writer had won a Nobel Prize! Parents like your achievements more if some outsider praises them!

After my graduation, I didn't know what to do with my life. For 18 months, I was unemployed...because I never applied anywhere. I was clueless. I didn't want to do what others did: Have a job that they hate. Job means passion and commitment. I wanted to do something creative. The society, however, shocked me. People were more worried than my parents. My friends started giving me all sort of "practical" advice. The friends who, I loved with all my heart, thought that this was highly "uncool." Some even deserted me because obviously, unemployment is uncool and unemployment because you are searching for answers is EXTREMELY CRAZY. My parents were worried but since I'm a girl, it didn't matter. I was shocked. I just wanted to find out what I am good at and a job which i would love. Hell, I was even thinking: why are we so conditioned to search for jobs and not create them? But such things are blasphemy. You cannot question all this. You should shut up and obey everyone.

 All this made me take a vow.

 I decided to do the opposite of "cool." If something makes me happy and that is socially acceptable as "Cool" then it's fine (comeon, I won't deliberately hate a thing because it is cool. That's lame!) but I will never do something just because it is cool. In fact, if you want to find a true person, you should do the opposite of cool.

 I have a Nokia Lumia but I carry an outdated (more outdated than Rajesh Khanna) phone in public. This is not to attract attention...hello!! Who will pay attention to Nokia C101 (even Nokia manufacturers don't remember or pay attention to it and even if they do pay attention isn't it insulting)? This will automatically eliminate all the fake people.

 I might have written the script of a television commercial (people treat you like God if you have any connection with something that is on television) but I might tell my friend that I don't have any creative idea till date.

Initially, I was very embarrassed when someone asked me about my salary but now, the salary I tell them is 50% lesser than my actual one :P (the actual one is itself very embarrassing :P :P ).

 I would write my thought and then write "by Abraham Lincoln" or "by Albert Einstein" or other such great people and then show it to my friend. I want to see whether he/she agrees with the quote because of the "Albert Einstein" factor or genuinely. Then I tell them the truth. It is actually by me.

I was learning Photoshop from a teacher and he was very nice. I wanted to see if he would be nice if I couldn't understand a very very simple thing. Would he be patient with me or just abandon me because I don't get simple things? So even though I understood, I said that I didn't. Surprisingly, he was still nice to me! Not many teachers are like that. They only like students who make their job easier.

 I would go to a place where speaking in Hindi would be a faux pas. One of those places where people make fun of those who do not know English. I would speak in Hindi there. I want everyone to laugh at me because I don't know English.

 I might buy new clothes but I will still prefer the old ones in public. Just to see how people's behavior changes.

 I know how to look better. But I will do the opposite of "looking better." Again, I don't die my hair red, to stand out. I just don't make any efforts to "look better" which means that I look simple...straight from a town or village! It's shocking for people because simplicity is so uncool and that's exactly what I want them to think about me. I'm uncool and I'm cool with it.

 I do not hate beautiful people, English language, Nokia Lumia or any other smart phone or cool things. A phone with better technology lets me do a lot of things and I love that. Almost all the books I have read are in English. THIS POST IS IN ENGLISH. Why would I hate it? What I hate is the "status" that is attached to owning a smart phone or speaking English. I promise I will try my best to not to suck up to this BULLSHIT. I am not a slave to anyone's thinking!I won't think what the society wants me to think. I won't value something just because society values it.

Few days back, someone in my friends’ list shared this article: http://chronicle.com/article/What-Are-You-Going-to-Do-With/124651/

This article showed me a mirror. I always had questions. Questions that no one liked. And most importantly, these were the questions which had no easy answers. Since the questions were tough, weird and made me and people around me uncomfortable, I started ignoring them. .Because if I start asking these questions, I won’t have a ‘safe’ and ‘secure’ career.

A month back, my life changed. I got a job. A job that I loved. It was a relief. Relief from the endless taunts of aunties, relatives and friends. Everyone had an opinion on which course I should be pursuing. Everyone was ready to give me their ‘gyan.’ Finally, I had an answer to “What are you doing, career wise?” But after a month of employment, I have questions. Why am I happy? Am I happy because I have successfully fitted into the system? Am I happy because my career is a little bit more ‘certain’ and ‘secure’? I work in the creative department of an ad agency and the job is creative but am I creating an impact? Am I changing anything? Yes, I like my job but am I doing something disruptive? Wouldn't it be amazing to change someone's life through creativity?

Some of the conversations I had with people (before I got a job) were like this:

Them: So, what are you going to do career wise?
Me: Ummm, I don’t know. I want to do something new. Not to stand out but because I am not satisfied with the existing conditions. I mean, I don’t fit in anywhere.
Them: New? Hey, first try to get a P.G. degree..it is very important these days..you cannot really survive without it..it is bloody important..and you have to compromise..otherwise how will you get a job?
Me: Umm. Can’t you talk about anything besides degrees and how I will doomed without them? I mean, what the fuck? Why can’t we do something totally path-breaking.
Them: Like what?
Me: I don’t know. I can’t tell you right now. But I believe that if you have the will, you will have a way too..
Them: Are you fucking stupid? You are living in a dream world. Wake up, Sush! Time is running out. If you start preparing for CAT from this month, you might have a slim chance to make it to a decent B-school.
Me: *massive facepalm* Fuck, man. I am talking about innovation and you are talking about CAT? I should join a B-school and do what? Get a MBA degree and work in some goddamn investment bank?
Them: The thing is, you don’t wanna work hard. You are just jealous of people who make it to b-schools..and yes, you just want to ‘stand out and be different’..that is the reason you hate the ‘system’..
Me: This is ridiculous! I don’t have any problem with people who are doing what they love..even if their passion is going to a b-school…but can’t you fucking see? Almost EVERYONE is doing shit because that will get them a secure career. Being secure is not wrong but fuck, atleast stop discouraging people who want to break this goddamn cycle.The fact is, NO ONE (including you) likes the system…and you just deny it because facing this question will affect your fucking resume.

I used to find people boring. Everyone I met had jobs that they hated. Everyone tried real hard to somehow fit into the system. It was as if, you cannot do anything outside the box (system). I always believed that imagination/creativity/innovation can change a lot of things. But am I not like other people now? I have 'fit into' the system. I’m just walking on a path that has already been made. I’m not doing anything new. No, I’m not talking about ‘being different’ just for the heck of it. I don’t want to ‘stand out’ or whatever. I’m talking about breaking this pathetic cycle of crappy education system…every Indian wants to escape this cycle…but none of us have a solution.

Our society tries to limit us. After 10th, you are asked “Beta Science, commerce ya arts?”..what if a person wants to learn something from all the streams (I am such a person!). What if someone wants to do something totally new..something beyond degrees..something that has no precedent..?
So what should I do? Silence the questions inside me? OR quit my job and trust that I’m asking the right questions and take a risk? What will I do? I don’t have an answer.

‘Who has better tastes’ contest!

Before writing anything I must admit that I used to do the same things that I am mentioning below. So I’m just a hypocrite :P
There is a friend of mine whose attitude really pisses me off. He refuses to watch any film that is a ‘superhit’ & looks down upon people who watch the same. Anything that is enjoyed by a LOT of people, has to be crap. And, he feels very superior to these ‘dumb mass audience’ (these are his words, not mine).

I see the same attitude on social networking sites like Twitter where people love to show that they are not like the ‘dumb masses’ who watch Dabbang (I haven’t seen the film) or read 3 mistakes of my life (no, I don’t like that book!)

Why am I writing this? Am I one of those dumb masses (again, this label is not my invention) who watch masala, formula films? Yes & no. I mean sometimes, my mind is so chaotic that I just sit down & watch these formula films (yeah go ahead judge me!). But mostly, I don’t watch all those formula films. But do I need to feel superior to my neighbor (who is a big fan of masala films) because of that? Should I feel superior to my friend because I read Rabindranath Tagore & Albert Camus (okay as I’m typing this, I do feel a lil’ superior :P I do feel a lil’ snobbish as I’m taking these big names :P I’m trying to get over this) & my friend reads Chetan Bhagat? My neighbor HATES Coke Studio (both India & Pakistan). She likes Akon. Should I look down upon her & call her dumb?

I think the tendency to ‘look down’ upon something arises when you are competing. And Art in my opinion is not about competing (that is the reason I hate award shows), it is just expressing your feelings. The first thing about art is that it is subjective! But what is happening? We are trying to come up with objective standards and try to bully everyone to accept them! If it is cricket, you will judge in numbers, but you cannot do the same with art.

People look at art in the same way they look at the top 10 run scorers in the History of cricket. I do not look at art in an aesthetic sense. Let’s take an example (the example is not completely based on facts): When my dad gets some promotion, me and my brother are happy. My brother is a lil’ outgoing while I’m extremely shy. He will straight away praise my dad & tell him how much he respects him (he is expressing his feelings). I, on the other hand will prefer to say things in an indirect way (maybe I will write a short story). But the fact remains that we both love my father equally! And basically we are saying the SAME thing. Just because my brother expressed his feelings directly, he isn’t inferior to me!

Of course, I’m not applying the above example totally in the field of arts.

Yes, I do wonder..why doesn’t my neighbor watch Coke Studio? I do cringe when I watch those singers on singing shows & compare their voices to legends like M.S.Subbulakshmi (yes, I am deriving a little snobbish pleasure again :P) Doesn’t my neighbor get tired of the same old “Raat ko neend nahi aati, din mein chain nahi aata” type of songs? But who am I to decide what ‘art’ is? Maybe she likes formula films because her life is almost like those films or maybe she wants her life to be like them. Mostly (not always), the songs, the films that we love are the ones which give us an assurance that we are not alone..that we are not weird ("I could totally relate to that"). Artists are people who say things that we want to say..most of us don’t have the courage/ability to say it.

So just let the people enjoy what they want. Why the hell do you want to impose your ‘aesthetic’ standards?

I just want to say this to my friend: What the fuck? In school, you study that there is only one right opinion and that is of the guy whose definition is there in the textbook and do you want to do that throughout your life? Just accept some opinion because it is given by someone who is considered to be an authority or an expert (it is okay if the expert’s opinion is good and you agree with it but it is not OKAY if you hate a film because according to some hotshot critic, it wasn’t good)? Stop being an intellectual slave & an intellectual snob. You don’t need to bring down Sunidhi Chauhan just because M.S.Subbulakshmi is better. Just let people listen to whatever they want.