Note: If the reader feels that I have different view points just to 'stand-out' in the crowd, you better close this tab and get back to commenting on your friend's facebook albums with "awwwwwww <3." If someone does things just for the heck of being 'different,' he/she is a loser (okay,a confession: I tried to deliberately 'stand-out' in the crowd in my teenage because I was a highly insecure person.Not anymore). And the 'love' I'm talking about in this post is love in general and not just romantic love!! This post is not about my ex!
Now that I'm 'adult' I must say, I think twice before opening up to someone and telling them about my vulnerabilities.I think twice before loving someone deeply (no, this post is not about my break-up!).When you are an adult, you start becoming more 'practical' and try to reduce risks in your life. Few weeks back, I was tempted to follow this 'lowest-risk' philosophy because of unbelievable amount of pain and mental disturbance that I was facing because of loving someone very deeply and knowing that the person doesn't really value me(no, not my boyfriend!)but thank God, my inner voice saved me again.
Everyone tells me that I should live smartly (nothing wrong in that and yes, this smartness does save you from this much pain!). Their tips? I shouldn't get too much attached. So if I love someone, I should love them in a balanced way..because if you love them deeply and madly and they leave you, you will have to go through a LOT of pain. If you are making some friends over the internet/real life, don't get too attached..why to cry so much when there are so many people on your gtalk list,right? Why to love someone madly and face the risk of a complete breakdown? Some people even went ahead and said that loving someone madly and deeply is 'bad' (really dude? Living your life like a zombie is 'bad' according to me..who are you to decide what is 'bad' and what is 'good'?)! But if you think about their advice (to be very balanced),you realize that it is absolutely true and makes a lot of sense! But somewhere my persona is not like this.
I'm somewhat an extreme person. When I do something, I do it with WHATEVER I have got inside me. When I create campaigns, I put in EVERY FUCKING thing in it: My soul, my blood, sweat and tears! I'm incapable of doing things I am not passionate about. 'Passion' drives my life. I have been given similar advices to have 'Plan B' in my career. So if this doesn't work out, what will you do? I actually don't think much about that! I hate having Plan B (not because I'm a fool or because of idealism but because it is BORING to have a plan B)! In the same way, being 'smart' in relationships is something that I can certainly achieve (just requires a little bit of hard work)but I choose not to!Why? Because only when I love someone deeply and madly, I feel I'm alive! Otherwise I'm just a zombie or a Robot! It is easy to write this though. The kind of breakdown I have had after I came to know that the person has no value for me is just UNBELIEVABLE. I was on the verge of suicide! I even promised myself that I won't EVER love someone like this (of course, when you face his much pain the most comfortable choice would be not to do that again.) Do I still want to go through the same shit again knowing that it is just unbearable and makes a mess of everything in my life? After a lot of thinking, my inner voice said YES. I'm capable of loving only like this. Either I give my hundred percent or I don't do it at all.
People these days make fun of emotional people and call them 'emotional fools'..I don't mind that tag. Everyone is so smart but I'm dumb! I treasure my emotions. I'm not a masochist who loves pain (Do you think anyone enjoys suicidal thoughts?!) but I'm an artist! I want to FEEL everything DEEPLY. Another thing that I see these days is: People are so scared of being vulnerable and are even more scared of admitting their vulnerabilities! I guess being vulnerable is a weakness for them! I feel that being vulnerable is very important for an artist. Yes, I certainly won't allow people to walk all over me but I don't want to live a life where I won't have any vulnerability. That is BORING! So does this blog post remind you of characters in books (by the way, I'm not choosing this because of any books or films!! I'm not choosing this because of 'challenges' and 'risks.. It is just the way I am!)? I'm impractical and not 'balanced' and if you don't like me it is better you close the tab and go back to your 'practical- life' and live a life of balance sheets and do some fucking cost-benefit analysis of relationships (arre by chance yeh friend chala gaya toh mere happiness ka kya hoga? Isliye main zyada attach nahi honga) and live your life 'smartly.' Why to take risks?
Me? I choose to be foolish and crazy! You can give me any labels you want. And yes, no need to tell me that I have many mental disorders! It is better to be mentally retarded than live a boring life without passion!
"Anything less than mad, passionate love is a waste of time.There are too many mediocre things in life, and love shouldn't be one of them."
